Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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