dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
