so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
