We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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