1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
