Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
