I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
