Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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