you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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