Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
