So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
