Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
