i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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