I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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