i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
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