You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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