I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
