I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
