A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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