Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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