Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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