Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
