you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
