Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
