best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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