I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
