I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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