I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
