Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
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Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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