Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
