Michael Bay diarrhea
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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