I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
