I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
