someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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