I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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