I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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