The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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