i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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