I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
