He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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