I have demons in me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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