apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
