So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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