rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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