I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
