She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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