Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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