And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
