you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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