1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
