I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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