The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
