So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
