So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
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she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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