we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
