Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
