She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
