420 ftw
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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