U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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