we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
