we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
