Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
