It's like God shit irony all over that family
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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