i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
