Your dad touched me again.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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