she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
