dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
