dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
